In El Paso, Texas. Sitting here listening to Papa Smurf on the radio, enticing drivers into going across the border to Juarez for booze and whores. My memories of El Paso will always include the people on the radio offering tours of the &$0147;cantinas, cat houses, and brothels” in Mexico. You have to wonder how the city fathers would feel about the impression I got of El Paso. Not that I think there's anything wrong with booze & sex.

Mara and I are 90% certain that we'll be staying with B&L. They're such nice people. So it's basically come down to this. We can go back to being an unimportant number in U.S. Xpress' computers, or we can be flesh and blood with B&L. It means a lot to us that they treat us like family when we go down to Beaumont.

We haven't made a final decision. There are some other problems with staying with B&L. Getting Mara trained and with CDL's is one of them. But at the very least we have decided to be up front with them about everything. I'm still going to put in a trainer's application with U.S. Xpress, so we will still have that option if we decide to go that way.

When we go home for Christmas we're going to go through all of our settlement sheets to make sure we're getting paid for all the trips we've been running. Mr. Bill told us that USX has been having some system problems and that we should check and make sure that we're being paid by U.S. Xpress, because USX lost a lot of data. But then, I keep thinking that if we turn in a trip sheet to B&L for every trip that we run, shouldn't they know if U.S. Xpress is not settling up? After all, if USX doesn't pay up, B&L loses money, too. Not just us. Seems to me that would be a genuine concern of theirs.

So this is the plan. We're going to give B&L until Christmas, just as we had figured. And when we go home we're going to see where we stand, settlement-wise, and bring up any issues with B&L. How B&L responds will largely determine whether we go back to USX or not. A lot also depends on whether or not we can get Mara trained.

No quick decisions.

Supplementary

A gentleman came to our door a few minutes ago while I was doing my log. A Christian who was trying to support the ministry he's involved in by giving away cassette tapes in return for a donation. I told the truth when asked, telling him that I come from a family full of preachers, but lied when he asked me if any of it had rubbed off. What he was asking was whether or not I was one of the faithful. I don't think he noticed the pentacle hanging from my sun-visor.

When he left (I told him truthfully that we had no money), Mara was irritated. Rightly so, I think. Few people who call themselves Christian can understand what it's like for people outside of the faith, when no matter which way you turn, you're faced with Christian culture, trucker chapels, and tracts, to free Bibles. You're constantly reminded that you're an outsider, and it's usually just easier to say, &$0147;Yes, I am a Christian,” than it is to try to explain to them that you don't need to have your soul saved, that just because you have different beliefs than they, it doesn't mean that you're an immoral, atheistic child molester who kills animals for fun. In so many ways you are constantly reminded that you are, in essence, behind enemy lines. And while you don't see them are your enemy, they sure see you as theirs! And there's a lot more of them that there are of you.

That said, I wasn't angered by the visit. In fact, I greatly admired the gentleman's courage. He came into the parking lot of a truck stop where people on the radio are soliciting trips to Mexico for booze and prostitutes, and he's knocking on truck doors and trying to share his faith. I wonder how many Christians would be that brave, to come out on a cold night into this sea of haggard men and women, to meet more often than not with either indifference or hostility. How many Christians would be willing to step out onto their front porch to witness for their God? I can't help wondering how many people who think of themselves as Christians are right now on those buses headed for Juarez, Mexico for a night of drinking and sex?

This is what Mama can't understand about my beliefs. I respect the man who came to my door. He was no slick salesman peddling his product. He was uncomfortable and standing in the cold, and clearly worried that I was going to yell at him or curse him. It took courage to knock on my door, and I respect him for it, and I respect his beliefs, or at least his conviction. because of it.

But he is the exception. Not the rule.

And while it is certainly true that most Christians would not be on those busses headed for Mexico, it is equally true that most Christians would not be standing out here in the cold on behalf of his or her faith.

I think this illustrates what I've been trying to tell Mama all these years. While there are certainly good people who call themselves Christian, the vast majority of them just wear the jewelry and pat themselves on the backs for being Christian, tucked away in their nice, warm homes while the few real Christians are standing out in the cold doing the difficult thing.

As I've told Mama before, it's better to put your faith in Christ than in Christians. Or, in my case, in God than in anyone else.

As ever, may Jesus Christ save us from his followers. May the wicked get what they deserve. And may the courageous find their way home to warm beds and well-earned sleep.

To the man who knocked on my door; I salute you, sir. All faiths need more people like you.