Sitting in a dock at a warehouse in Harahan, Louisiana (a suburb of New Orleans). Am being unloaded, but am also waiting for the truck to be fixed. We popped a power steering hose while trying to dock.

Man, I hope to never again have to dock a Peterbilt 377 with no power steering. Think my arms will be a little sore tomorrow. But I got the damned thing in here, and we're being unloaded as we wait.

Anyway, the mechanic has gone to get some replacement hoses. We should be out of here in the next hour or so. Hopefully we'll still be able to get to Beaumont, Texas, for that inspection. It would also be nice to get the cruise control fixed. I get cramps sometimes from holding my leg in the same position for so long. And in this thing, there's nothing to rest your leg against, like there is in a car. It's not a big deal in itself, but you multiply that discomfort by hundreds of miles and it builds up.

Well, we'll see where we got from here, I guess.

Supplementary

Ah, the ugly Christmas issure rears its head again. Mara just got off the phone with her mother, and we're already snipping about Christmas.

Last year, we realized that Loretta was going to be spending Christmas day with Mark's brood and Mama was going to be home by herself. Maraa and I were supposed to spend Christmas day with her family, but when I heard that Mama was going to be alone, I opted out. So Mara went and spend Christmas day with her family, and I stayed home with Mama.

By spring, I was still paying for the decision. Mara was hurt that I didn't go with her. Apparently the thought of Mama sitting at home by herself didn't bother her. Mainly because Mara's solution to the situation seemed simple; Mama should have come along with us to spend time with her family. The only problem was that Mama didn't want to go.

So basically , since Mama didn't want to go and I refused to leave her at home by herself, we ruined Mara's perfect Christmas. And for a long time afterwards, that would occasionally be trotted out as evidence against me.

Now another Christmas approaches.

Mara's mom has already insisted that we go to Winston-Salem with them. And even though Mara had already said that we were going to spend Christmas day with Mama, the issue is on the floor again. And once again, I think we both know that;

1) Mama will most likely not want to spend Christmas with Mara's extended family.

2) If I'm asked to choose between my mama and Mara's family, the choice will be Mama.

3) Somehow my leaving Mara alone with her family will be worse than her leaving me alone with Mama.

I understand Mara's need to be with her family. In many ways, I don't think some of the folks in her family will accept her as an adult until we go up there and do the happily married couple bit. And she's right when she points out that one never knows, and her grandparents could die next year, and she could be kicking herself for missing that Christmas, just like I missed my last chance to be with my father during the Christmas of '83 (his last).

But by the same token, what if I go up there and spend Christmas day with Mara's family and Mama was to die next year? Mama will be 68 next year. And while I expect she'll be around for some time to come, one never knows.

So why is my theoretical risk all right, while Mara's is not?

Hopefully, a compromise can be reached. Maybe we can spend Christmas morning with Mama, then go to Winston-Salem for dinner. Then Mara could stay up there and I could go home. All bases covered.

I think I suggested this last year, and Mara shot it down. So I guess a lot depends on whether she'll insist on “either/or.” Last year I chose Mama. This year I will choose Mama. Next year I will choose Mama. And I will make the same choice every year that I am forced to choose between her family or my mama. If there can be no compromise, then my choise has already been made for me.

I hope this year can be different. I really don't care for hearing, well into the next year, about how I betrayed Mara by making the only choice I was allowed to make.