It's early. 1:00 am.

I am sitting here in this room while Faith sits in the other watching a movie. I am depressed. I am aching. I am tired. This relationship has taken some turns which leave a bitter taste in my mouth. At moments I am fine. At other moments I am drifting. She shuts me out and blames it on all that is going on with her family, on her preoccupation with these problems. The explanation was rather complicated and I think it's bullshit, but I may never know.

To put it bluntly, we haven't made love in 5 days. There has been very little real affection. A lot of times when I hug her she is stiff. Often when I kiss her, her lips are taught.

Apparently I am expected to understand, and yet I cannot fully accept this. I came a long way to be with her. I gave up everything. And here I am, far from all that I have ever known, and I meet day to day with what seems indifference and coldness.

It's driving me mad.