I've talked to Faith. Things are odd right now.

Paul didn't come home last night and she is concerned as to what he might do or might be capable of doing. Needless to say, he hasn't called or left any messages. I suppose in many ways she is rightly concerned. All the guns in the house have disappeared and he has said odd things at odd times.

She's worried. And angry. I think more so for the kids than for herself. If he is simply playing some sort of game, then it is truly abhorrant, because he isn't taking into account the feelings and well-being of his children, but then, from what I've gathered, that wouldn't be out of character.

Jesus. She's facing down him and her entire family. I think the common consensus is that she's out of her mind or something. It really concerns me. She has said that she's going to St. Augustine in a few weeks, no matter what happens, but I hope all this can be resolved. How would our relationship evolve with a specter hanging over us all the time? Not that it would concern me. But I wonder how it would affect Faith and the children.

Suppose I can only hope. A lot is going to happen in the next few weeks. Some major moves will have been made. On both our parts. I just hope that things go well and she can get out of there with as little difficulty as possible, and definitely without theatrics or tragedy.

But enough of that.

Sad to say, but what goes on down there really isn't any of my business. Faith must resolve her end as well as she can, and I have no doubt that she has the capacity to handle it well. She's a source of inspiration. I've never met a woman as strong or as intelligent, in all things. She's beautiful. She's stubborn. And she perceives on so many different levels; the intangibles, the vague, the elusive. She is an emotional woman, but that is tempered by logic, and that makes her a formidable force. I'm fortunate that we have found once another.

But I wish to relate other things concerning this relationship. I have voiced my concerns in the past. My doubts. And yet, day by day, the are alleviated. With each passing moment, I come to trust her more and more. The wariness is gone. Now there is only love. And desire. And the ache. I long to be with her. I long to taste life as it will be with her and her daughters, Mollie and Lindsay. I long to make my way home at last, and, more and more, that place seems to be in St. Augustine.

We talked almost all day on the computer yesterday. It was wonderful. I hadn't really thought about it, but I think I needed that. After our last few days together, which I have mentioned, and the fears which had grown out of that, I needed to spend some time with her, and talking yesterday cemented these emotions in place at last. She has opened up more. And I know her better. And I understand a few things now which I wondered about before. That's nice.

Faith asked me what we should tell her daughters until the divorce was final. I've wondered about that myself. I've come to hope that it won't be a problem. As she said yesterday, her daughters already like me, and haven't yet met me, so that's a good sign.

She also said something related to that which warmed my heart. She said she wanted us to be a family. She wanted us to be close. And that meant a lot to me. It told me something which I hadn't really thought about before, but which was running around in my head none-the-less. I won't be relegated to the “special friend” status, or “Uncle Kevin,” or “Mister Kevin.” Apparently there will be no need to play games and pretend, just to explain why I was sleeping with her or what I was doing there.

But, most of all, Faith's statement touched me. We are to be a family. That's what she wants. And I would say that is the most total acceptance one can imagine. I wanting us to be close, she has brought us closer, and she has given me more than she realizes. I am smiling as I write. And when I think of this upcoming move, my heart swells. I am alive as I have never been. And what makes it so much more glorious, for me, is that I find myself longing as much for her daughters as I am for Faith.

Maybe, after all this time, I am finally coming home.