Here I am. In Kings Mountain. Again.

I've had this uncomfortable lump in my throat since I've returned. Nothing here appeals to me. This isn't home. This is a place where I have to be for a time until I can make my way back to Faith and St. Augustine.

Needless to say, the weekend went well. Or, actually, the week. The ride down on the bus was torture, and the closer I got to Albany the tighter my chest became. I was so nervous. And yet, when I stepped off the bus, and we met, and we held one another for the first time, and kissed one another for the first time, I knew, at long last, that everything was as it seemed.

Faith is a wonderful woman. Words cannot touch the intiricacies which she is made of. An intrigue in and of herself. She's beautiful. Intelligent. Playful. In essence, she is everything I desire.

We drove from Albany to St. Augustine in about 3 1/2 hours or so. It was daylight when we got there last Thursday and we were both beat, so we got our room and would probably have crashed right away, had we not found ourselves in one another's arms. We made love for several hours and then, at last, weary and satiated, we went to sleep, and were asleep for much of the rest of the day.

That evening we met Patty and her loco husband, John. We drove to their house and sat around awhile while Faith and Patty talked, John observed us, and I pretended to be sleepy so that I might stay clear of the situation and give Faith a possible reason for leaving if things got too uncomfortable. It was an odd situation.

I like Patty. I'm proud to call her my sis. She's not fat, as she claims, and has long, beautiful hair. She's also quiet, like me, which is a little strange, because both Faith and Den (Patty's online lover) are very outgoing and talkative.

So, basically, Thursday belonged to Faith and I. Friday, however, we took Patty to Jacksonville to pick up Denny, after which we were given the task of caretaking Patty's youngest son, Jason, whom she was forced to bring with her. This alarmed me a bit, because I was afraid of being put in that position for the duration of the weekend, and I really looked at this weekend as a chance for Faith and I to get to know one another. I didn't want to set that aside so that someone else might do it in our stead. Luckily, that was not to be the case.

She and I made love again Friday night, with Jason asleep in the floor. Interesting concept there, but it worked. I don't think he ever woke up, and I pray he didn't look up. We lost the covers a few times, and I imagine he might have gotten an eye full had he peeked.

We were roused rather early Saturday by Patty and Den, though I don't think we really did anything in particular that day. That night we went to eat at a 4-star restaurant named Compton's, which I really enjoyed. Faith and I had that night alone, and made love, which sticks in my memory for various reasons. There are others, which I won't get into, because I really think they hinge on my very nature, that of reading much more into certain situations than is really there. I think, in this relationship, and in the ensuing months, I will have to learn to master that, to be more trusting, if she and I are to have anything permanent.

Sunday morning, as usual, we were awakened very early by Den and Patty. We wound up spending the day on the beach, which I enjoyed, especially since I managed to avoid a real sunburn. We returned to Compton's that night.

I marked that everyone seemed to be in a different mood that night. It was quieter. Nice, but quiet. That disturbed me a bit. I was never secure, or totally relaxed, in consideration of Faith's feelings for me. I can't really say that it has changed. And also, compounding that thought, is the fact that we didn't make love the last few nights we were together. That, in and of itself, is no big deal. I just thought it would have been ... well ... more appropriate to have made love one last time before we parted.

We made love Sunday, but not the following night, which I thought would be our last night together. As things worked out, we stayed an extra night at Patty's, and we didn't make love there, either. As I said, it's no big deal, really. Just odd, I think. Here you have two people who had waited two long months to get to touch one another, and I, personally, would have thought the last few days to be the most passionate.

I have my concerns. That's all. So. Whether or not I move to St. Augustine with Faith, it is definitely time to move on. I've lingered here for far too long. I won't waste any more time than is necessary. In the next few weeks, I will know how things work out between Faith and I. But for better or worse, the time has come to leave. All I'm waiting on is a real, permamnent decision from her as to whether or not she really wants me to live with her, or whether this is just a dalliance.

Time will tell. I don't mean to sound like I doubt her so. I don't think I do. I'm just concerned. And, like everyone else, I don't want to be hurt. Parts of me want to run. The self preservation principle. Parts of me want to stand. But, day by day, I come to see that her final decision is only a part of the equation, that no matter what she might decide, the time has come for me to leave this place, and the time has come for me to fly. I have to begin sometime.

And now is the time. Just as I said it was before I met Faith. That old ache is certainly present. And it grows. Day by day. I can no longer ignore it.