There is so much which just doesn't seem real anymore.

I am at home. It's 7:30am. I had to leave the cafe. I told them I was sick, but it was something else entirely. I'm not sure I can put it into words exactly. There was just something wrong. Terribly wrong. The longer I was there, the more the prospect of being there all day terrified me.

Well, maybe “terrified” is too strong a word. “Depressed,” perhaps?

I'm not sure what started this. I think a lot of it had to do with the events of yesterday. Or, rather, the lack of them.

I left the cafe at 11:30 yesterday afternoon. I went to the storage building to see if the light worked, which it did. While there I sat in my old chair and looked around, thinking off all the possessions which had come to be there, and the reasons for which they were there. I thought of Faith. And of St. Augustine. I thought of how much I miss Florida. I thought of how “nowhere” my life is here in North Carolina. It was all quite depressing.

Well, to make a long story short, I fell asleep. I slept there for about an hour, then woke up and rushed home, just minutes before Bert got here. I hit the bed to sleep for a few more hours ... and never woke up!!

Bert woke me up the next morning when it was time to go to work. I had slept all that previous afternoon, evening and night. Jesus. It's odd enough for me to be working up at the cafe but to lose an entire day? To have it seem as if I had never left the place? It was too much.

I didn't lie to them. I did feel bad. But it was nothing severe enough to warrant coming home. The greatest pain was in soul. That old ache. It was too strong this morning. Far too strong.

So I came home. And I am hoping tomorrow will be better.