I talked to Carmen about 20 minutes ago. For all intensive purposes, the band idea is off. Her friend, Susan, who was supposed to go in halvers with her on the P.A., has backed out. So we'll have no amplification. I've asked myself what my course of action should be. I've looked at amps and systems and mixers. And there is no way I can do anything.

So I think I'll just concentrate on getting the ART guitar processor. Anything from there on out is relative. I'm not sure whether or not I should go for live equipment or recording equipment. With the live equipment we could play and keep some money coming in, but with the recording equipment I could send out some demos in the hopes of selling some songs and making money that way. Either way is risky. And difficult.

I can't afford anything right now. And the immediate future shows no real promise. With the little bit of money I'm making at the cafe, there isn't any chance of replacing what I've lost in the past year. Not any time soon, anyway.

I suppose the most fundamental question I should ask myself is whether or not the future of my music, and returning to recording and such, means more than the possibility of making a living playing live.

Jesus. I'd like to get back to my music. But I need to get back into playing, too. Each has it's advantages. I suppose it all really depends on whether or not I get certain loans and credit. I'm still planning to approach the government with a business idea, but I wouldn't put much faith in that. So maybe it'll be enough just to live. If I'm real lucky.