Bleh. Memphis.

Memphis, Tennessee. I'm sitting at a customer where I dropped my trailer several hours ago. Mostly because my company can't face the fact that there are no empties here. What this means is that unless the customer unloads one of the two of my company's trailers that they have in docks, at the very last minute my company is going to freak out and then try to find me a trailer so that I can make my next pickup. But who knows? Maybe the customer will get one unloaded.

I talked to Victoria for almost three hours yesterday. It's comforting to know that someone really does care. I feel kind of lost right now. I've committed to keeping the van and letting go of the house. By writing that check for the van payment, I made my choice. It was either/or. Now there is no going back. That scares the hell out of me. This is a radical shift, and probably not one I would have made if not for being forced into making a final decision.

Vic helped somewhat, by fluffing my ego a bit. It doesn't seem like so much of a dramatic risk when you consider how incredibly talented I am ( :: insert irony and/or laughter here :: ). Whether or not I believe, she believes. And others believe, as well. That gives me courage. So while I may have this big hole in my heart because I'm letting go of the place that I've thought of as home for twenty five years or so, it doesn't seem quite so crazy when you consider the possibilities that may very well come of it.

I have to admit that there is a certain sense of exhiliration in knowing that soon, for the first time in my life, I am going to have the tools I need to give it one hell of a go. And if I fail, it will be on my own merit, not simply because I haven't had the resources to do the job properly.

I pray that all works out well, and that the belief that some people have in me is founded. If not, I'll look back on all this, letting the house go, as a monumental mistake. In that case my old lyrics would prove prophetic; “I gave it all for a touch of pain.” And, well, a kick-ass preamp for my Alembic Spoiler bass. ;-)