The 4th, Life, Home, Etc.

Well, another holiday has just about been survived. Mama came over. We had hamburgers and hot dogs. I avoided grilling out because I didn't feel like dealing with the neighbors who come running every time I stick my head out the door. They're trying to get me to sell the house to a friend of theirs, and that just offends me. Someone I don't know wants to swoop in and buy the house for what I owe the mortgage company, and dance away with a tasty profit? Actually, the point that offends me the most is how pushy they've been, and how hard they've tried to make out like this guy is just doing this out of the goodness of his heart to help me out. Come on. I know you hear the Southern accent and think “idiot,” but you'd be surprised at how much my brain processes.

I can't say that I enjoyed the 4th. Mama came over. We hung out. We ate. She left. It was about that exciting. Some pretty serious changes are looming on the horizon, and neither of us wants to speak of them.

I had come back around on this losing the house thing. I was driving along on I-40 in North Carolina just across from Tennessee, and I started thinking about the Japanese cherry treee in the front yard. I watched the thing grow up from a sprout. It's twenty five years or so old now. Beautiful. In the spring it explodes in these beutiful pinks blossoms which it showers over the front yard. I started thinking about how when the house was gone, I'd never see that again. I made it as far as Black Mountain, where I pulled over, went and sat on my bunk, and just had me a good cry.

That made me resolve that if I felt that strongly about it, I should keep the house no matter what. Who gives a damn if I'm literally trying to figure out how to buy food to take on the road with me? A home is worth keeping, right?

Well, my load came through home, so I stopped at a grocery store to pick up some things for today. I took the groceries by the house, and had no more than backed into the driveway, when here came one of the neighbors. She essentially told me that the guy was still willing to buy the house, and sort of scolded me for having trouble making up my mind. I don't think it had the effect that she had hoped for. If anything, it made me more determined than ever to not let her friend buy the house. I don't give a damn if it puts a foreclosure on my credit report. I'm tired of looking up and seeing all these vultures circling, trying to get what last few scraps of meat they can out of this. And this sumbitch friend of the neighbors is trying to make off with the entire carcass.

Right now I'm firmly determined to just let the mortgage company have it. Fuck everybody. That's my gift to everyone involved. No one wins. Some might say the mortgage company wins, but I figure they're taking over a house with an air conditioning system that barely works, which will probably need all new plumbing, has three or four places where the plaster is falling from the ceiling, has a bathroom that needs total remodeling, scarred up floors, and a dozen other minor problems. All things which I intended to repair in the next year or so. So, hey. If they want it that bad, they're welcomed to it. Get to work. Let's see just how much profit you'll make off of this one.

I'm sure I'll bounce back and forth on this a dozen more times. But I've pretty much faced that losing the house is a done deal. It's just a matter of figuring out the how. I bought a stack of thirty boxes last weekend, though. Next weekend I start packing. It's gotten that far.