Today is a new day. Okay, so mostly I feel like saying simply that today is another day. That seems more appropriate. I'm feeling kind of sick today, still trying to shrug off the effects of the hamburgers and hot dogs from yesterday. I imagine we'll find out something about the truck soon. I'm surprised USX hasn't been calling already. But Volvo will need some time to repair the truck today (assuming they finish it today). So I'll call them later this afternoon. I hope that we can pick up the truck this afternoon and I can leave in the morning, just as I was supposed to leave last week before we found out that the truck had been stolen; rested and prepared.

I'm still worrying over the possibility that USX will force me into another truck. It's an obvious point that I need to get rolling and make us some money. But I'm still not willing to give up this truck. I know from experience what kind of truck that I can expect them to give me as a solo driver. The 2002 Freightliner they offered me last week is exactly what I mean. As a solo driver I have no status with this company. They're just going to stick me in whatever piece of junk is available. I'm fortunate enough to have this Volvo left over from Mara and I being a team. It's a nice truck, and living in it makes me feel somewhat like the offense at being stuck on the road when I should really be home is not as bad. It's a good counter-balance that makes the personal emotional sacrifices seem a little less severe. Were I to be placed in one of USX's standard pieces of crap, especially after being with the company for almost 6 years, those little personal sacrifices would begin to chafe.

Long story short, the novelty of being in that Volvo, and having my little table nook in the back, makes it seem like I have my own little space in the world. I think I'm so jaded that the niceties that the Volvo provides brings a little novelty to a way of life that I've long since grown to loathe. There are no new parts of the country to visit. There are no new horizons to see. There are no new driving conditions to experience. There's nothing about this way of life that is going to seem new to me. Living in this Volvo makes the things that grate on me about this way of life seem more bearable. I know all too well how unhappy I would be in one of USX's crappy Freightliners.

Quite frankly, I think I would rather leave the company than switch trucks. And while it certainly makes more sense to stay put, sooner or later we all reach a point where enough is enough. I think I've reached that point.

I'm terrified at what today will bring. It may be simple. The truck may be ready this afternoon. We may pick it up this afternoon and I may leave in the morning, and I may never look back with any real regret. But it's also a possibility that USX will try to force me into another truck. I dread that, because I honestly don't know what I will do or say. Actually, it might be more accurate to say that I'm afraid of what I'll do or say.