Yes, I've let the genie out of the bottle. Now I can't sleep. Mara seems to think everything is ok now. But a lot is unresolved. There are things I need to say; questions I need to ask. Mara said tonight "now every time I go somewhere you'll wonder," like I could help it. I just said "that's not my fault, is it?"

So it's there. It's going to stay there. Every time she talks to someone on the phone. Every time her phone beeps with a new message (and it beeps a lot). Tonight I thought about the time in Florida when I lay alone in the dark in mine and Faith's bedroom in St. Augustine and things were so bad. It was raining, and the sound comforted me and put me to sleep. Man, how I would love to hear the rain right about now.