Oklahoma, westbound on I-40 about 50 miles from OKC. Have no batteries, so no iPod or XM Radio. So I'm just sitting here thinking. Have been driving for about 60 miles, so I'll probably stop somewhere in New Mexico or right across the border in Arizona. After being on Ray's board for a year and a half that sounds really weird.

Anyway, Mara and I had a long talk. At times during the discussion I thought we were working our way toward a divorce. To sum it up, essentially Mara's needs are not being met. Oddly enough, it was my failure as a husband and a mate that drove her to think about leaving. Now, she didn't quite put it like that, but that's essentially what she said. Funny how the failures in any relationship gets traced back to the man, isn't it?

I didn't mean that to sound as snarky as it did. Mara made some valid points. But the resolution of this hinges upon me adapting and being more attuned to her needs, whereas she apparently has been adjusting to my needs for years and needs to make no changes. I guess that means that the future success or failure of the marriage is entirely up to me.

I suppose the reason I sound irritated or angry is that this has been entirely turned around on me. It's no longer about Mara meeting someone else and being "deliriously happy" and deciding to stay with me "at what cost to (Mara)?". It's now about me. What I was feeling only came up once, when I forced it into the conversation. All in all, as I said, Mara made some valid points. But I somewhat resent bearing the blame for all of the failures in our marriage.