New Year's Day

Well, here we go again.

New Year's resolutions haven't been established, as they're useless, anyway, but I intend to lose this weight, get a place of my own, and live in some way better than the way I live now.

I'm in a better mood than I could have been today. Justice came by last night just as I was getting in from Rick's and demanded that we celebrate New Year's Eve together. I was surprised to see her, since I haven't heard from her in awhile. I was reluctant at first because I just wasn't in a good mood and I didn't want to ruin her evening. But she would have none of it. We drove around a bit, but wound up back at her place, deciding to see in the new year with a few bottles of plum wine. It was nice. We curled up on the couch together and watched a couple of movies and got plastered.

We kissed like we always do, but I wouldn't let it go any further than that. I'm afraid to let myself feel anything for anybody right now. I don't want to be unfair to Justice. She's always wanted a relationship with me, and I've never been willing. In a way I could kick myself. I could have had a hell of a roll in the hay last night. But the problem where Justice is concerned is that there's always a tomorrow. That's what worries me where she's concerned.

She took a shower at one point. When she was done she came back into the living room wrapped in a towel. She dropped the towel and told me “If you want me for your very own, this is your one and only chance.” Man. That was hard to turn down. She has an incredible body. That's the first time I've seen her naked. I mean, we've fooled around a little and felt one another up, but I'd never seen her naked.

Ok. I'm stupid. I know. But I turned her down. I told her that if she would make that offer when she hadn't been drinking, I might take her up on it. She didn't get mad at me. We wound up on the couch again and kissed a little, and she fell asleep. I put her to bed and I came home.

Today, though, I wonder what the hell I was thinking.

Still, I have to admit that the evening with Justice has presented some enticing possibilities. We'll see. I might just be willing to take a chance on her now.