I am in North Carolina.

I just hooked my computer back up and have been tinkering. I started to go online to look around, possibly to see if Faith had left me a message, but Delphi has suspended my account. It's the same with Prodigy. I guess it all figures. Final touches on the ending of what I had hoped might be something special.

I got in from Florida last night. Well, actually, I got in from Florida around 2:30 Tuesday afternoon. I had been forced to leave my car in Jacksonville, so I headed out again that night around 11:00 to get it. Mike and Stacey went with me. It was a long, tiring trip, upon which I stayed awake only by drinking coffee, taking speed, and even snorting a line of coke that Rick had given me. But we made it. We retrieved the car, circled by Pony Express so that I could leave my NC address (so that they can send me my check), and headed for St. Augustine. We took a dip in the ocean to relax and then headed back, getting in around 9:30 last night.

As for things here, well. It's strange. I am sleeping in the little room which used to be the side porch again. As I'm laying here, the television in blasting. Privacy is a thing of the past. Most of my stuff is in storage. That seems strange. To actually have no options. To have to place about everything I own in a storage building until I can repair some of the damage of this relationship, and get a place of my own, in the hope that things will work out. Faith probably will never truly understand how much she cost me ... how very hard it was to let go of those things.

Jesus. I wonder if she even cares. She hasn't called at all. I thought she might at least call to see if I had made it home alright. I figured she might care that much at least. But she didn't. So maybe she doesn't. I don't know.

It doesn't even matter now. My options lie in the future. Faith is a piece of my past. Oh, well.

I still intend to go back to Florida, but even in under the best possible circumstances, it's going to be awhile before I can manage that. At least I got to see Jacksonville and St. Augustine one last time on this last trip. It really reinforced my desire to return.

So. What's the plan? Hmmmm ... I dunno. I'm kind of thinking about it like this. It makes sense to me to get a job first. Any job. And while I was working this job, I could train to drive a truck ... to get my license. Needless to say, after that I could travel back to Florida with some kind of skill, with an eye on one of those truck driver jobs which seem to be everywhere in Jax. Once that was done, and I had settled into a new place and a sense of normalcy, I could continue my education. I could go for the M.S. in Computer Sciences finally. And that would be a future in and of itself.

And, of course, during all this I would be sending out poems and stories and songs, striving to manage something artistically while covering my ass realistically.

I like this idea. I really do. It would definitely give me something immediate to work for. And I really don't think it would take all that long to learn to drive a truck. I think the classes run for about two weeks in Charlotte. That doesn't seem like much time to learn to drive something that large, but I guess it could be done. I might even be able to get a job driving here.

I suppose this would be better than sulking around here, wondering what to do with myself, and getting frustrated because I wasn't making anything happen. At least then I would be trying. That would be a nice change.