This entry seems ironic, given the contents of the last. But there are things to relate.

First and foremost is the fact that Faith and her chilren went to St.Augustine this weekend. Faith awoke Saturday morning to a note, left by Paul, which upset her. She packed up and left for St. Augustine, where she has been this weekend. She is heading back today.

Apparantly she has beaten Paul. It seems that way, I say. We can never truly know what he is capable of. But I can't let myself think of things like that.

I'd better move on.

In our conversation online last night, Faith asked me to make two promises. The first involved the possibility that Paul might commit suicide (unlikely, but possible). She asked me to promise that, should he actually kill himself, I would immediately come to Albany to be by her side. Needless to say, I agreed.

Now ...

The second promise is one which surprised me. I mentioned in the last entry that she had alluded to the possibility, and maybe even the desire, to have another child. With me. It was allusion then. Now? Well ... I was so touched by the profundity of the moment that I saved the screen. Below, word for word, is what was on that screen:

<FAITH> something to chew on
<FAITH> but after much soul-searching ok?
<KEVIN> ok
<FAITH> right...
<FAITH> if....in the future....after all this is over....and we are finally no longer separated by time or miles
<FAITH> if you should change your mind about your legacy and responsibility to the future generations
<KEVIN> :)
<FAITH> if....you should decide you want something of yourself left here when you're gone
<FAITH> you will let me gift you with a small wailing scrap of humanity and righteous indignation
<KEVIN> I have been smiling this great big smile
<FAITH> you have?

Enough said ... I think. I couldn't say, right now, what I feel about that. I am touched and humbled and overjoyed all at the same time. I suppose time will reveal all. It's hard to sit and wait. But we have, as yet, to even touch. We have, as yet, to truly link our spirits and souls. So until that happens this is simply a wonderful, albeit heatfelt and wondrous, gesture. Time will reveal all. And Mother Nature may do what she pleases, anyway....regardless of what we may wish. :)

And now on to one last thing. I don't know if I'll be moving. My thoughts and passions have settled somewhat. At least enough for me to think clearly again. It would seem best to me to refrain from moving into the apartment. If Faith doesn't mind, I could use that $500 to take care of a few problems, such as NRI and ICS.

But it has also occurred to me that I can get out from under this loan... at the Credit Union. When I have sold my equipment, I should have close to what I would need to pay off the loan. In doing that, I free the title for the Thunderbird, which I could then turn around and sell, putting money in my pocket and still paying off the loan, thereby freeing myself of my only real local responsibility. Then I could take that money and do what I please with it. That would help.

Faith is supposed to call sometime between 4:00 and 5:00. If she sounds alright, and doesn't seem to be in a major hurry, I'll ask her about the $500, and I'll explain my plan to her.

All in all ... I feel good about the future. Whatever happens here, I feel good about it. All I must do now is remain calm and patient. I have prayed and asked God to bless us. And he may. Once he gets over the shock of hearing from me.