It's a rainy day today.

I'm sitting here before the computer, artfully dodging the task I've set for myself; namely that of cleaning up this horrid mess which I live in. There is something I wished to think over, so I found the earliest possible chance to do so, and here I am.

My thoughts, as ever, are on Faith. And the future.

I don't know if I've mentioned it (but would be surprised if I haven't), that I have a standing offer to move to Georgia. Until recently I had considered this only as a fancy, something relegated to the future and distant decisions. However, in my talk with Faith last night a few new ideas and realizations have surfaced. Foremost among them is the realization that I am considering the move, seriously, for the first time. Another is that I had already begun to string together the logistics involved in such an action without even realizing it. I had already made my decision. I had already begun to plan, though that fact yet eluded me.

And as such was said last night. Faith said that I had a decision to make. I replied that it may have already been made. And she said “so it's just logistics.” I agreed.

This surprised me.

As I said, I hadn't really thought deeply on the subject up until that point. But now I must....

I've said time and time again that I needed and wanted to get away from Kings Mountain. My main problem through the years has probably had more to do with the fact that I had nowhere to go (Justice's offers aside); I didn't know anyone anywhere. Well, now I know Faith. And, yes, I think I can finally say with some confidence that I do really love her. Oh, perhaps the passion is not as overwhelming just yet as it might be, but there is a very strong attachment. I usually find myself smiling when I hang up the phone. I glance at her picture every time I walk by. I wonder what it would be like to be with her and to hold her.

She said something last night that caught me somewhat by surprise, and I want to relate it. I made a reference to our trip to St. Augustine in June. Faith made a remark akin to; “you may be coming to me before then” or “you had better come to me before then.”

So I wonder at all this. It seems the gears may already be in motion. I may have already made my decision.

To fly, perchance to sing....

Or to be, yes.

I don't know which course I will follow in the end, but I think it may be a safe bet to wager that I will follow my heart. If I learned nothing else from Tanya's death and my trip to New York, it was that I cannot stay in this hole of a town for the rest of my life.

Faith would be good for me in many ways. She is a writer. She is a creative soul. She understands my passions and even encourages them; a nice change from the ever present negative jabs proffered by my mother and aunts.

Besides ... I love her. And that love grows day by day. So what will I do?

Well ... that I cannot say just yet. Only time will reveal it. But I will say this much. In cleaning up these rooms I emptied out the trash from the boxes which my encyclopedia and "great books" came in. My reasoning was this; If I move, I will need some way to carry my books with me. They will have to be packed.
And that statement in itself ... reveals much.

God help me.