I've been thinking about Mara. What else would I be thinking about? I was thinking tonight about how empty my life would be without her. I love her dearly. But I don't feel like she wants me anymore. She seems to be just going through the motions. She seems to be fulfilling marital obligations only. Somehow when she hugs me or kisses me, it feels like appeasement. I wish that if she wants to go, she would just go. I find the thought of being without her unbearable, but this disconnect between us is just killing me.