I honestly find myself wondering if I want to be married to Mara anymore. There doesn't seem to be anything to keep us together.

Mama summed it up very well tonight while talking about something that upset her last weekend regarding Mara. She said “you're gone all week and when you come home it's like you're not even there.” She meant where Mara is concerned. And she's right. The same thing occurred to me over the weekend. It was a shock to hear Mama say it.

I think the marriage has already ended. I sent Mara a message and told her that we need to talk this weekend about whether or not we want to stay married. She didn't seem too interested in the subject. She just said “Uh oh. Okay” and nothing else. I told her that her response said a lot about why that talk was needed. Then I got irritated by her silence and told her that it seemed like she didn't care whether I lived or died, and in fact it seemed like she had already found my replacement. To that she finally responded, and said that she didn't want to talk about this in text message or on the phone, and we'd talk this weekend.

It sure sounds like it's over, doesn't it?

In retrospect, if she's found somebody else, it would sure explain a lot. Actually, I think it would do Mara a lot of good to experience life without me. She'll learn that one of the truest sayings is that you never appreciate what you have until it's gone. Who knows? Her next love interest might be someone who can better deal with her pathos than I.

Yes, I really feel like we're done. It probably says a lot about how I feel about this that the thing I hate most is that I'm going to have to gnaw on on this all week.