I just wrote the first chapter of my Niema novel. It needs some work on the pacing, but it came out pretty well. I'd like to think that it'll be finished one day, but then I look back at Caldwell. Where did she end up? Somehow, Niema seems fresher. Maybe because I'm older and more frustrated. These words won't need as much tweaking as Caldwell. I didn't get to where I wanted to go with the first chapter, but I think it worked. Basically, the second chapter is going to be what I expected the first to be. But Niema, like Caldwell, apparently has her own ideas about how her story should be told. We'll see. Right now I'm tired or I would work on it some more.

I didn't get much sleep last night. I sat up a lot longer than I wanted to because Victoria wanted to talk. Well, actually, she wanted to dress me down. First for having "such incredible talent" but not doing anything with it. Then for not fulfilling my part of what it is that she thinks a friend should be. I know I'm no walk in the park, but these histrionics about how a friend is supposed to be this and that, etc, is one of the things that drove me away from her in the first place. I'm not going to spend my time being forced to justify who and what I am. If you don't like what you find, then fine. I understand that I'm no easy ride. But don't be arrogant enough to think that I'm going to change to meet your criteria about who and what I should be.

I never called Anthony back about that trucking job. I really didn't intend that. I just kept putting it off. For some reason I just don't want to do this. I realize the risk we're taking. For all we know, U.S. Xpress will fire me tomorrow because of that last ticket, and that'd sure as hell fuck everything up. Especially if they set me out in Ohio and we have to figure out how to get me home. But the job just didn't feel right. Hell, I stopped at the rest area in Dandridge, Tennessee and put together a list of question to ask Anythony, intending to go ahead and take the job. But I just couldn't bring myself to call him. In the end I decided that I should probably listen to myself. I'm not afraid of change. I've determined that much. I just don't feel good about this one.