We're somewhere in Kentucky. I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. The whole CCB loan thing is hanging over me. As much as I hate to admit it, I think this thing has ruined Christmas for me. I just can't dredge up any good cheer about it. I turned on the Christmas lights last night and did it with as much enthusiasm as if I were just turning on a porch light. I tried to have a moment, but didn't. I helped decorate the tree with about as much vigor. I feel like we've been kicked in the teeth, and I fucking resent it. I'm tired of begging for scraps from other people's tables.