I'm supposed to practice with Tony tonight, but have left open the option of cancelling. I'm not sure why. So far I've used the excuse that I want to finish cleaning up, and I genuinely do, but feel other forces at work. Fear may be a part of it. I'm afraid to commit to this, I think, just as I'm afraid of committing to a lot things.

I haven't made my decision yet. This place seems empty. As my life. And I wonder if this will be just another diversion.