More books came in the mail today. I suppose I'm being extravagant, in light of the prospects of moving out, but I don't think the finality of the idea had formed when I joined these clubs. Suppose I'll pay for them and switch over the address (if I ever get into the place, which I have doubts about).

Carmen and I kissed last night. I'm not sure of this possible relationship. I doubt myself. I doubt my motives. I find her interesting, but am not sure of my feelings, having as yet to feel the pangs of love or the heat of passion. I'm tired and in need of healing, and am fully aware of it. I want solitude more than anything and wonder how that desire will fit into things should this evolve beyond current stages.

Life at the cafe is the same. I think Beth and her husband may move to the beach and I think Penny will be leaving soon. Mike Engle, as ever, isn't worth much, but the rest of us are functioning as usual. I'm hanging in there and look forward to garnering independence, full of hope that it will bring forward a more complete sense of self.

As ever, time will tell. All will work out as it should.

Oh, yes. One last thing. I took Chris to Hames this afternoon. He bought an acoustic much like I have and is more than likely tickled to death about it. He was supposed to bring by $15, on the way to their band practice, which I had to let him borrow to afford the guitar. He hasn't come by, and I really didn't expect him to, but I know that I'll get it back sooner or later. It was fun to see someone feel the joy of a new instrument.

Oh, well...

I have to make slaw at the cafe. And Mark just called, wanting me to clean up. No rest for the wicked, eh? I'm still trying to scare up the money to make a deposit so that I can pay off the ICS diploma account and make a payment to NRI. I spent a lot more money over the weekend than I had intended (buying a lamp and going out to eat with Carmen last night). Bert and Lo seem offended whenever Mark asks me to clean up, and one or the other invariably gives me the third degree whenever I opt to, but I need the money too damned badly. Cleaning up a few nights a week is the only thing which offsets the money I have to pay Lo for my loan, and with the prospect of moving out again looming, its going to be more important than ever.