Where's My Harmonica?

I'm looking for a good harmonica. I got up this morning feeling sorry for myself. That's such a ridiculous situation that I figured it would make more sense if I rounded up a harmonica and sat outside on the porch at Mama's apartment, singing a sad song about how my woman did me wrong and ran off with my cat and I'm ridin' up and down the road for no good reason with nowhere in particular to go.

Well, that last paragraph made me laugh. Yes, I amuse myself. Someone has to.

I feel like I'm pushing back here. It's almost February and I'm still in the post-Christmas funk. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting out of it, and then it all falls apart. It doesn't do much for the spirit to sleep on the couch in your mother's apartment when you come in on the weekends. I never intended that to become a habit. I just haven't been able to find my balance since Christmas. The great head of steam that I'd built up in the lead-up to Christmas has evaporated. What's left is me wandering around scratching my head, buying bits and pieces of things I need to feel like I'm make some progress toward making some progress, but for the most part feeling really lost.

I'm not going to go into the things I need to do to turn this around. It seems like that's all I ever do. Woulda. Shoulda. Coulda. Didn't. I know well what I need to be doing to fix my situation and get my life back on track. So I'm not going to go over that list again. But I'm beginning to think that maybe some of the Grand Plan needs to be put on hold until I can repair some of the damaged infrastructure. That seems to be what's holding me back.

I think that's my problem here. I have a grand plan to strike out on an epic voyage and I've started buying provisions for the trip, but I blind myself to the fact that my ship is sitting low in the water, and if I don't start making repairs to the vessel, it's not going to make it far from the dock. The best planning and provisioning be damned.

I know. It's a labored comparison. But it makes sense to me. So there.

Oh, well. It's time to get out of here. I have a truck waiting. And a load. And my company has a few torturous things for me to do today. Time to stop whining and go take my medicine.