Yet Another Sunday

Well, here's another one. Sunday, I mean. I'm loading some music onto my iPod (which is a notable undertaking on my gimped computer). I got in yesterday morning, and will probably leave tonight around 6pm. I have to be in the Atlanta area by 1am tomorrow morning. No one can explain to me why I have to be there at 1am (when it looks like I'll be delivering to a distribution center). But what do you do?

I have started several times to post things that I've written on the road. Blog entries, I mean. But even when I've sent them over from my phone or the PDA and they don't have to be transcribed, I find myself just staring at them. Honestly, I don't have anything to say. Constantly whining about the minor discomforts of my life is getting old, and I shouldn't keep doing it just to have something to put post.

I've largely abandoned The Watch. It's not that I don't watch the political situation anymore. I stare in disbelief most of the time. And there are plenty of things that piss me off. But I just don't care enough to write anything. It's not like it was in 1999 when I started that, when there weren't many outlets for a site with political and social commentary and news that had a Pagan slant. Okay, so there's still not many Pagan sites with political content. Pagans are mostly a bunch of lemmings who are most proud that they're Pagan. In other words, they'll put up a link to a place where you can buy a peace frog sticker, but mostly we're just going to march around with an athame, dressed like a reject from a failed gothic rock band, and obsess about our own spirituality while we search for things to be offended by.

Pagans can be offended by that if they like. But if you're honest, I know I'm speaking the truth. So ... The Watch became more of a political site. And although it never lost its habit of monitoring the Right, there are admittedly a lot of people out there who are doing that now. Why should I bother?

Dunno why I got hung up on The Watch.

I guess, really, I'm examing my apathy. I just don't care anymore. I was thinking about the prospect of that reality television show last night, and thinking that it's no small wonder nothing ever came of it. I certainly showed little interest, and even less effort. I took my blog (which I once was told was interesting because it chronicled my life on the road) and turned it into a forum for whining about how sucky my life is. I've tried to muster the energy to post interesting things, but I just don't care enough.

I also think I should point out that not much interesting happens with Epes. I dunno. Or maybe it's just that the same things don't catch my eye now. I see plenty of stupid shit on the road that I might have commented on before. Now I just don't care. But also, the fates seem to have stopped sending the interesting people and events my way. What my days have become is driving, driving and more driving. It's hard to make that interesting.

Of course, I'd also like to defend myself by pointing out that the fates have conspired against me on this one. A lot of my posts used to be done on my cellphone as messages. Now that I'm on Sprint, that's become hideously expensive. So what I do is make my little notes on my cellphone, bounce them over to the PDA when I have time, and then e-mail them to my computer ... when I have time. The spontaneity is gone. Also, my web server is gimped. I can't just post things. Well, I can, but my ftp directories do not go anywhere near my actual web site. So I have to post to the ftp directories, download the files to my computer, and then upload them to the server using the web interface. As you can imagine, this is a pain in the ass, and one hell of a deterrent.

I think a lot of my apathy also comes back to time. I just don't have any. Like this week. I came in yesterday. I'm leaving today. If time is so limited, I'm not going to spend it kissing my own ass. Hell, I have boxes of Christmas gifts sitting here, and no idea how I'm going to have time to wrap them, much less arrange to have them sent to the people they're going to. I'm good at ordering the gifts, but don't seem to know much what to do with them once I have them.

So ... I guess I'm just sitting here scratching my head.