Border Skirmishes

I just wrote something back to Mara that I regret. She had written in response to something in one of my blogs. What she said really wasn't all that confrontational. But it definitely hit me the wrong way. I guess I'm tired of having it explained to me that my current situation and the dissolution of my marriage is not at all like I see it.

Well, I got some things off my chest. But I wish I had just filed it somewhere and never sent it. Part me wants to post it online to counter some of the he said/she said, “it takes two to make a marriage” bullshit that I pick up from her side and from some of her friends.

Actually, that's the exact reason her note pissed me off. It's one thing to spin things to your friends. But don't come trying to spin things to me. I was there.

Anyway, I regret sending it to her. Hopefully it won't be simple fodder for the grist-mill (a faint hope, at best). I sent a copy to a friend to satisfy my need for someone to know some of these points I brought up. But I don't want to post it for everyone to read. I guess at this point, whether I do or no will largely be determined by how hard it gets spun.

I should go back to my determination to write nothing whatsoever about Mara in my journal. Or at least in my blog. That's the only time I hear from her, when I've pissed her off. Otherwise, I don't exist. I wish if she was going to vanish, she'd fucking vanish already. I'm tired of censoring myself in an effort to pacify her need to feel like she did a benevolent thing by leaving me.

Christ. Even this is getting angry. I shouldn't write when I'm angry.