I'm having problems breathing today. Nothing is physically wrong with me. But I feel like there is a huge weight pressing down on me.

When I got home yesterday, the Consent Order from the bankruptcy court was waiting for me. It doesn't look good. Long story short, on top of the normal house payment, which is almost $800, they want me to pay $495.94 in arrearage for six or seven months. I say “me” because Mara won't even give me any money on the insurance she just bought on my paycheck.

I've faced the inevitable. The house will be sold. There's no way I can keep up with this. Let's just sell it and be done with it.

Well, right now there's one problem. The Consent Order states that this will all be “beginning with the May 1, 2006 payment.” It also says that if Countrywide doesn't receive payment within 15 days of the date payment is due, the house will be released for foreclosure. But the order wasn't filed until the 17th.

So ... are we talking about 15 days of May 1st? Does that mean I'm already in default? And if not, does it mean that Countrywide can come back next month and claim that, even though they can't foreclose on the house because the Consent Order wasn't filed until May 17th, expect and demand payments for May and June (which would be $2,600)?

Mara told me last night that whatever I wanted to think, she was not evil. She said this in response to a question from me. I asked her outright if she had hoped that this all would end in foreclosure (inferring that she nudged it in that direction). All I can say is that whatever defense she might want to mount, the fact remains that she has not been willing to share a single bankruptcy document with me, she strongly discourage me from accompanying her to court dates and meetings with her lawyer, and that her story about how things are going changes every time I talk to her. It doesn't look good.

Well, we'll see. All I can do at this point is damage control. If Countrywide manages to take the house, it's kind of a moot point. I've already decided to sell the house anyway. The only difference is that I would dearly love to keep those maggots from taking the house from me, and then turn around and sell if for a profit. I'd love to sell it first so that all they can get out of it is the loan amount. I think that would be fair. Allowing those maggots to profit financially from all this would eat away at my soul for the rest of my life.

As for Mara, all I can say is that I'm dumbfounded. I know quite a few things about Mara that she doesn't know that I do. Whatever she wants to say, it's not so far-fetched that she would intentionally allow this house to go into foreclosure.