I think I finally have my computer system running decently again. I was beginning to think that I was going to have to re-install Windows XP. But right now, with my firewall and my anti-virus software running, it's zipping right along.

I removed a program called Boss Everware from my system a couple of days ago. The company web site describes the program as “A tool for monitoring computer and internet use.” Various web sites say that this program will damage your Windows installation. That would explain a lot.

I thought at first this was just simple spyware, and had deleted it before I really looked at it. I wish I had looked into it and learned more about when it was installed, because according to Symantec the program “must be manually installed.” It's not something you can download simply by visiting a web site. Someone has to put this on your computer. I wonder who could have put it on mine?

:: insert sarcasm here ::

I sent Mara an e-mail and told her that I had deleted Boss Everyware from my system. That's all I said, rather than make an outright accusation. She never responded to that message. She never asked me what I was talking about, or bothered to deny that she put it on there. So while I have no proof that Mara put it on my system, I have to keep in mind that Mara's way of dealing with situations in which she's caught with her hand in the cookie jar is simply to ignore it, say nothing, and wait you out, assuming that you'll eventually go away.

For the most part, this all simply seems to me to be the usual infidelity guilt. She was watching me because she expected that I would be watching her. More than anything, I think that if Mara put this on my computer, it says more about who and what she is than anything I could say. If Mara put this on my computer, she was monitoring my computer usage. Everything from my log-ins to what web sites I was visiting, to what programs I was running.

This leads to an obvious question. Why would she want to know? I can only assume that she felt like she needed to cover her tracks (for some reason), and wanted to know if I was monitoring her in some way.

Well, I admit that I've been looking at her blog. When she started acting so strange I went to her blog to see what might be going on with her. But she's learned well. She hasn't posted anything to her blog in quite awhile, and even then it was generic stuff. She's not going to repeat the mistake she made of gushing about Bobby in a public blog. So either she's taken her thoughts somewhere else or she's stopped posting. I can't imagine the latter, though. It's important to Mara for everyone to know how much she's ‘suffered’.

The frustrating part is that I will never know for sure whether Mara put Boss Everyware on my computer or not. In the end, I suppose it really doesn't matter. What's done is done. She's gone. We'll never get back together. So I suppose if she did put it on my computer, about all I can say is “Hey. Good one! You got me.” She was clever enough to put monitoring software on my computer, and I was naive enough that the thought never crossed my mind. But then, to my knowledge I haven't been doing anything that needed monitoring.

I guess an easy explanation would be that this is simple projection. Mara was watching me because she was doing something that needed monitoring. But I didn't need a spyware program to tell me that Mara had found somebody else. She told me herself everytime she hugged me with all the affection that someone would have for a leper.