I'll be heading out today. I have a load that delivers in Richmond in the morning. I could probably run on up, pick up the load, and drop it in Greensboro for another, longer load. But given the particulars of today, I think I'll linger a bit here at home and just deliver early in the morning. After all, I plan on working this weekend, anyway.

Today Mara is supposed to see her lawyer and file the separation papers. She's also supposed to find out what happened last Thursday in court in regard to the house and the issue with the maggots at Countrywide. I have my fingers crossed, but I'm braced for any eventuality.

Mama has finally agreed (again) to selling the house. I realized I'm being selfish here. I should be willing to maintain this house no matter the cost to me pesonally, so that Mama won't have to leave the place she calls home. But at the same time I'm fully aware that choosing to keep the house will mean that I will have to put away all of my hopes. I would officially be giving up. To be honest, if I did that, I wouldn't know what else to do with myself.

There's another issue, as well. I'm uncomfortable living here alone with Mama. She has always doted on me because I am her only son. But this is the first time I have lived alone with Mama since I was about five years old. The constant attention and scrutiny bothers me. It weirds me out, to be honest. I really couldn't tell you why. But I agree with one of my aunts, who said that Mama and I are too close.

Maybe that's it. There's just something about the attention that makes me uncomfortable. Always before there was a distraction. She lived with Loretta for twenty years and doted on her. When Mara was here at least it was diffused somewhat, because it was split between the two of us. But now that I'm alone with Mama here, it's all a bit much. I've never been one who likes to be doted upon.

Well, I should go. While I have all day to pick up my load, I need to start getting my head together, as well as my things. It's time to leave here. Somehow or another since Mara left I've felt like I've been lingering at the scene of a crime. My life has been on pause. Admittedly a lot of that has had to do with waiting to find out the status of the house. But a lot of it has to do with just being stunned at the way things worked out. I knew Mara and I had problems, but I really thought we could work things out. I didn't realize that she had already moved on.

Oh, well. It's time to get back to it. There's no point in lingering here.