Feeling kind of lost this morning. Had another one of those days yesterday where Mara didn't much seem to want to talk to me. Gods, I sound so co-dependant. The reality is that I feel like I'm in a box out here and Mara is my only link to the life that I wish I had. She's my link to the real world. I don't need constant reassurance. But when I feel like I'm brushed aside I wonder why I'm out out here and who I'm doing this for.

Oh, yeah. I'm trying to make money to pay the bills that Mara didn't give a damn about when she announced that she would not get back on the truck under any circumstances. I guess the thing that gets me is that I don't see an end to this. I'll be 40 next month and I'm as lost and as far from my dreams as I've ever been.