Thanksgiving Day

Another day. And another holiday. Ho hum.

I've taken a walk around the neighborhood again. Or, rather, it might be more accurate to say that I walked down Crescent Circle a bit and turned around. A short walk, to say the least.

My thoughts have run in familiar circles all day. Freedom. Independence. Life. No one else can solve my problems. But that doesn't stop me from wishing, does it?

So here I am. Again. I am alive. I am still dreaming. And longing. And searching. And I'm no further today than I was five years ago, when I started this damned diary. It would seem that in that time I could have accomplished something. Yet to date, the only real mark on my entire record is going to Florida and losing everything for the love of a woman.

So here I am. Searching. Longing. And still dreaming. Just as I have for so very many years. Yet now. My time has just about come. I think not of grandeur. Or of conquest. Or of glory. All I want now is a place of my own. Peace. Relative tranquility. I want, simply, to live my life, free of naysayers. Free even of their gaze. A place where I can dream. And work for a future. Without regard to my surroundings. Or my relatives. And I can only do this after I leave.

SUPPLEMENTARY

I've recently come to realize that, although I lost just about everything in Florida, I managed to gain something which might prove invaluable in the coming months and years. It seems that I've lost my music. Or, at least, I've lost the ability to make it. My equipment is gone. But I have realized that there is more to it than the tools. For all the time I had those things, I really did nothing with them. It was as if the acquisition of those prizes was enough, and after that, they were placed within some revolving library which housed, also, the remnants of my few pitiful dreams.

Yet now. There is a rising passion. When I do manage to get back to actually recording the music, I think the fires will be fresh. I will understand what I did not know before. All things are of worth only when you lose them. The next time I have equipment, I won't take it for granted. I will use it. I will strive to justify it. And I will forge ahead.

Now if I can only get off of my ass...