With Mara in Gastonia

I went to the storage room with Mara today. She was going to get a room and we were going to move her stuff over. But it didn't take us long to realize that there was just no way. I had thought that I'd carefully separated her stuff from mine. That turned out to have been a feverish fantasy that my mind had conjured up once upon a time as I lay exhausted and near death (after I had finished putting all that stuff in the storage room).

It was good to see Mara, but we were pretty uncomfortable around one another. That kind of surprised me. Not that I expected us to be all lovey dovey. But it was just ... odd. I have my theories on that, of course. Mostly I think I was uncomfortable because Mara was uncomfortable. Maybe for her going over there was like re-visiting the scene of the crime. Or maybe she was uncomfortable because I'm moving to Florida to live with Victoria.

I'll never know, and I don't want to speculate. It doesn't really matter why we were so uncomfortable. Not at this juncture. But if I ever wanted to know why, I suspect the answer lies somewhere in that pile of stuff.

When we realized that we'd have to tear that whole storage room apart to get Mara's stuff out, I told her that I'd move her stuff into the room she rented next weekend when I clear out. So with the exception of Mara getting her room, we got nothing done today. But at least we know what the plan is now.

I feel like I should say some thing nice about Mara now. You know. About how I wish her well, no hard feelings and I hope she's happy, and all that. But I suppose the most honest thing I can say is that I bear her no ill will. Today, at least, that apparently wasn't enough.