Outbound Haze

Just leaving Kings Mountain, headed to Raleigh for a 09:00 delivery. I've had no sleep and may very well depend on writing this to keep me awake and alive. To make matters more interesting, it's raining. Not that I'd like to pull over and snooze and listen to the rain on the top of the truck or anything.

I am in this situation because I stopped by Mama's apartment for a shower. The plan was to take a quick shower, then nap in the truck for awhile until time to go. But what'd I do? I watched television.

I couldn't tell you why, but I needed that. It was a small slice of normalcy. That's what most of us do, right? You come in from work. You sit on the couch. You unwind in front of the television. So for those few moments it felt like I was a normal person with a normal life. And I clung to them.

I have no shame. Except for the moment I took to study my face in the bathroom mirror and asked myself “Why didn't you sleep?” I'm not kicking myself.

Hell, when I walked up from Mama's the block to the truck, all I thought was that the winds felt good upon my clean skin. I listened to it in the trees. I listened to all the sounds around me, and I liked being the only person about. And it occured to me that perhaps I should be angry with myself. But I wasn't. And I'm not. I needed a few moments. And I took them.