Panic in The Morning

I woke up this morning in a near-panic. I sat up on the side of the couch, and thought “What have I done?”

I don't have any real regret about quitting Epes. Not under the circumstances. I believe I did the right thing according to the dictates of my conscience and my sense of honor. But ... come on. The only person I'm hurting here is myself. You think my dispatcher is going to lose any sleep over this? You think Epes Transport is going to miss a beat? They probably won't even notice I'm gone. So why didn't I just suck it up and do what I had to do?

I'm sure I'll be tormenting myself from here on out. I really did, and do, like Epes. I don't want to leave. But in the last year or so, I've lost my marriage, my home and most of my belongings. One of the few things I have left is my self-respect and my sense of honor. I won't have that taken away from me, as well. Really, that's what came into play here.

But, as I said, I'm only hurting myself. How often have we heard people say that you just have to swallow your pride and do what you have to do. But what about when your pride is all you really have left? Should you surrender that last bit of self?

Obviously, I think I made a mistake. I could probably smooth this out with some well applied ass-kissing. I just don't know if I'm capable of that.