It's early. Monday morning. I was tinkering around online. Mare went to bed a few hours ago. I told her that I'd be there soon, and she said; "No you won't. You'll mean to, but you won't." Well, she was right. Here I am. I wish I could say that I'd been doing something productive. But mostly I've just been poking around on the Internet, wandering through lists of North Carolina musicians, checking up on Art Mauney and his Dancing Hobos project, and generally getting depressed about the state of things. I would give anything if I could just go back to making music and forget about all this silly making-a-living shit. Sure, I have high and mighty plans, but I never do much of anything about it. I suspect I never will. I guess right now, more than anything, I just wish I was one of those faceless musicians, out there making music and enjoying life a little. That might be possible now that I'm old and don't entertain any infantile dreams about being a rock star.

I'm supposed to go somewhere with Mark tonight. I was telling him about the new strings that I put on the Alembic. He asked how they sounded, and I told him that I had no idea, that I don't have an amp to run them through. So that's what we're going to go do tonight. I'm looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. I'm only dreading it because after our weekly 6,000 mile ordeal, our one day off is incredibly precious to Mara and myself. I hate to give up even pieces of it, to anyone for any reason. But I know I'll enjoy myself. If nothing else, I'll get to give the Alembic a workout. More importantly, I'll have a chance to continue rebuilding my relationship with Mark. Surprisingly, that's become very important to me.

It's kind of nice to be able to "talk shop" with someone again. Mara comes from a completely different musical background than I do; and while we can talk about almost any topic, and especially music, in detail, I don't think she shares that deep, gnawing regret that Mark and I share over wasting our lives and many opportunities. Sure, we can say that we're not dead yet, but the fact remains that we're a couple of Never-Was musicians from North Carolina. Who fucking cares?

Anyway, I've been sitting here listening to John Paul Jone's last CD, "The Thunderthief." It makes me want to be a musician again. That bastard. I almost had that genie back into its box.